New Life

My Year Of Growth
So many times over the year spent in Salem I asked God why He had us there, what good could possibly come from being back in the city. I know this much. The growth I experienced socially and spiritually were worth every second.

Those I went to school with in Salem probably have no idea that I was a painfully shy person only two years ago. I would not leave Laurence's side when we were out somewhere and I would't really go anywhere on my own unless absolutely necessary. I could not start a conversation with someone so unless they spoke first I just wouldn't talk. I didn't know how to be silly in public, even around my kids and I did not EVER laugh out loud.

The freedom birthed in me during my last few months at Crossroads, and my time at People's Church and attending Northwest University along with having Chrissy and Aaron as roommates helped push my social skills to limits I never wanted to reach.

And Now I Am.....
All that to say that what I discovered is this: God didn't create me to hide who I really am, and He did not create me to be quiet. I led a song at church yesterday, first time in years, and I know that I am a worshipper who should have been singing all along. I am as silly as Laurence even though I'm quieter about it, and laughing is something I no longer do quietly. Finding my voice took two years, and I didn't even try until I was 30. I wish I had found it sooner. How many more lives could have been impacted for God if I wasn't so scared to be myself? NO MORE.

Luke 19:40 He answered, “I tell you, if these were silent, the very stones would cry out.”

2 Timothy 1:6-7  For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands, for God gave us a spirit not of fear butof power and love and self-control.

Sick Family

There are times in life that things just seem to fall apart; finances, schedules, friendships and health. This week for us, it's health. 2 years after Swine flu was an issue, it is in our house. The flesh in me wants to be angry, frustrated that we were hit with this. The faith in me knows that God has control of everything. My biggest issue with sickness is that when my family is sick and I pray for them they don't get better. I have seen people healed through prayer, even when I pray. But my own family seems to be this wall for my faith, never have I prayed for one of them and seen a change except for the worse. My heart believes that my children and husband can be healed, yet my head says, "it's never happened, why keep trying?"

Where do you go from here? Do you press in or give up? I say press in. If you truly believe God is in control and knows what's best, you have to trust Him in how he answers your prayers and keep believing that He hears them and answers them. So who am I supposed to be? In this moment, it's mom, the prayer warrior and caregiver.