First Love

I am one of the most task oriented people I know. In my years of youth ministry I had a few young ladies brave enough to tell me that when I was focused on something I would completely forget people were around, and it made me look like a jerk. There have been many church work days where the ladies would want to enjoy the lunch break, spending time in fellowship and just relaxing. I could not stand this, and often spent the entire time listing all that still had to be done and all but itching to get back to it. Over the last few years I have asked God to help me work on this, to help me not get tunnel vision and run right over everyone around me. The first thing He did was show me that this is how I try to approach Him. This is what He told me:

• You have set aside your first love for your own style of loving and worshipping Me
• You have allowed what you are doing become bigger than who I am
• You have mistaken my intentions, and you are seeking to earn My love instead of live in my love

So what now? Any time I feel that tunnel vision closing in, my tasks mattering more than God and everyone else, including my family, I take 5 minutes and remind myself of three things.

• I think back to the first time I felt His love, and remember that I had done nothing to deserve it. I remember that first moment where the filth of who I had been was washed in the glory of who He is. 
• I remember the sense of awe that came as his mercy washed over me, how small I felt in light of how awesome He is. 
• I allow Him to woo me again. Like another first date, another honeymoon, I allow the joy of His love to be the center of my focus.

In those 5 minutes, everything else fades away. He reminds me that everything else pales in comparison to how much He loves me, and how much He has always loved me, even before I knew him. Then I can go back to what I need to do without forgetting how important the people around me are, and how big the God I serve is.

Running From Myself

My favorite place to run is the country road near my house. It stretched for miles and miles of where I ‘have’ to be. No matter how far I make it on any given run, I have to turn around to get back home It’s as if I can’t run from anything because I have to turn around and face it before I can be done running. 

One of the things I run from is writing. I write because it is my outlet for being completely honest. Every ugly, petty, prideful bit of me can be poured out to make room for the kind, sweet love God wants me to carry. And yet, I’ll go months not he run from my pen, sprinting towards my next perceived finish line, and anything else I “should” be doing. 

My favorite part of my physical running times is the moment I turn back, to face the road I’ve just traveled. The road that takes me home. The last 0.6 miles I stop running, I slow down, and I walk with God. These are the moments I spend talking to Him, trusting Him, telling Him everything as the sun rises behind me and the farm trucks race past. Interestingly, I won’t take that time any other way. After a long run seems to be the only time I can truly slow myself down enough to just enjoy the walk through the farmland with my best friend. 

Many times I fool myself into thinking that I’m running towards something when in reality I’m running from something, from myself. Every time I finally stop, every time I have to turn from a mother season of running and slow down, I feel like the marathon runner ,collapsing at the finish line. Only I don’t crash to the ground, instead, loving arms embrace me, holding me in my weakness. And then, for a season, I rest. I remember that being who He’s called me to be is more important than what I’ve been running to. 

Funny thing is, I’m not even talking awful, sinful desires. I simply find myself running lost without a goal, without my biggest fan directing me towards the finish line. So why do I run? I don’t know, I’m just thankful that He loves the chase, and He pursues me as hard as I find myself pursuing everything else. 

What are you running from today? Are you running to the Lord instead of from yourself? Are you taking time to enjoy the rest He has to offer? 

Jeremiah 6:16

This is what the Lord says: “Stop at the crossroads and look around. Ask for the old, godly way, and walk in it. Travel its path, and you will find rest for your souls.

Matthew 11:28

Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.