The Danger of Comparison

So often, I find myself looking at what I am not. I am not outgoing, I am not relaxed, I am not always confident, I am not as skinny as I once was.... But there is a real danger in comparison. In my experience, comparison does three things. 

Comparison is an identity thief

Comparison causes you to look at what everyone else is and miss who you are. All of us have a unique identity, a unique sense of who we are supposed to be, and when we start focusing on what we aren't in light of what others are, we start to forget the remarkably unrepeatable creatures that we are. 

Comparison is a joy thief

Theodore Roosevelt said it first, comparison will steal your joy. There is a joy that comes each time you have a personal triumph, overcome a fear or step out more into who you were called to be. There is joy that comes in being completely and wholly yourself. Without that, when lining yourself up ext to someone you're not, there is only frustration, insecurity and a sense of inferiority. 

Comparison is a credit stealer

When we compare ourselves to others, we are stealing the credit from the very one who created us. God made us unique, and there are thousands of little things that make you "you." When we look to everyone else for who we should be, we lose sight of who we are, and that is who we should be. 

There is something amazing about when you meet a person who seems to truly shine as themselves. They seem authentic, exciting and radiate this sense of pure (real, not false) confidence. I have had brief moments of this, brief times of feeling true to myself and absolutely 100% me. Looking to the One that created me, and thriving in the life He has given me is the only way I know to find those moments. So don't look at others, don't look for flaws, look to the creator and enjoy who He created you to be. 

Images taken from:
http://www.musicianswidow.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/20140310-203156.jpg
http://kingpinlifestyle.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/how-to-stop-comparing-yourself-to-others.jpg

Burn Me

Baby steps...to big dreams

I was talking to a group of teens and pre-teens this week about what they feel they were called to do in life, or what they wanted to be when they grew up. I was impressed by some of the answers and as we began to talk to the older students about how they could incorporate these goals into their senior projects and fun ways to make their job shadows more interesting I realized three things:

1. As parents and leaders we often ask where people are going but don't take the time to help them get there.

2. There are always practical things we can be doing NOW to reach our goals before we even get there.

3. Bigger goals and dreams simply take more little steps than small goals and dreams.

As I talked to children who dream of working for NASA, being nurses in other countries, teaching middle school math, becoming a veterinarian, and many more fun, worthy goals I realized i can help them NOW. The future math teacher can tutor now, the future nurse can volunteer at a clinic, the future veterinarian can help in a clinic as well, and the future NASA specialist can start studying with local science teachers and visiting science centers in her area.

What's stopping you? If your goal seems too big, or too far away, stop stressing and look at what small steps can be taken now to help you grow and be ready for your dreams.

Want to write a book? Start with a blog or a newspaper column.
Want to be a missionary? Find local needs and start volunteering. Learn a new language.

What's stopping you from reaching your goals? Maybe it's just that you haven't started taking steps in the right direction yet.

So who am I?

The title of my blog page is, “I am supposed to be who?” I thought I might use one of my blog weeks to explain this. See, I have always struggled with the fear of just being myself. I mean, honestly, myself has never felt like enough to me. For years, I did not smile because of my teeth, I did not laugh out loud because I didn’t like the sound, and I was terrified to be silly in public, even with my own children.

I begged God to help me find freedom to be me, but it didn’t come until I was ready to let my guard down and allow who I really was to come out. I can remember sitting in prayer one Saturday evening and asking God to bring freedom in my emotions, to help me laugh, cry, be silly, be loud. I heard Him ask me if I truly meant it. I though, well am asking aren’t I? But, looking back, I know God knew that I didn’t understand what that would mean. So I said yes, I really mean it. I want the freedom to show my true self in public. That began a journey that I’m not sure I would have chosen had I know what I was in store for. Not only did my emotions go completely crazy, I felt I could no longer shut them off as needed. So one day I spent 2 hours crying at work over a fight with my daughter. 2 hours of tears while helping patients in the office of the chiropractor I worked for. Try explaining that, “No, nothing’s wrong, had a rough morning and can’t seem to calm down yet…” Then my family decided to take a Nazarite vow, to truly seek direction for the next step of our lives (we were in a transition time). This meant no hair cuts, no hair dye and no make-up for me. Remember, I was scared to be myself so presenting myself with no make-up and emotions all over me was terrifying. I would wake up and physically struggle to leave the house without having it all together. But that was the point right? Having it all together was an act, a show. The real me is messy. 

The real me gets mad too quickly, laughs too loud, and is easily wounded. The real me likes dancing badly, singing about nothing and competing even though I normally lose. The real me is horribly and terribly wonderful. And after a 9-month period of truly seeking freedom, with no make-up, hair in a messy ponytail and emotions gushing everywhere, somehow, I found myself. Do I still tone myself down a bit around new people or in uncomfortable situations? sure! But I don’t hide who I am anymore, and I don’t talk behind my husband anymore hoping not to get noticed. This transistor happened 4 years ago, and parts of me still struggled to be fully me. I still wore makeup if I was going to be around new people, like somehow that determined if they would like me or not. 

Last year, at annual conference I attended the whole conference without makeup. Didn’t even pack it. I could lie and say that was easy, but with all the other pastors and pastor’s wives who seem to have it all together, I nearly panicked that first morning getting ready with no makeup to put on, no proof that I had it all together, and that’s ok, because I don’t. And I’m daily learning to walk in the imperfect mess my life can be and enjoy every glorious minute of it. 

The Value of Waiting

I sat down today to write about the value of waiting. But as I typed out the entire blog post I realized I really wasn't saying anything. I wasn't saying anything I even wanted to hear, so why share it? I am terrible at waiting, but I know how to do it. I know that those moments stuck waiting can be so impacting and I know that life can change during those waiting moments, sometimes more than in the moments of the expected change coming.

So why is this such a struggle for me to write? I believe it is because I am in a waiting period and didn't recognize it until I sat down to write my grand advice on how someone else should do it.

So here are my thoughts for this week, simple as they may be:

Sometimes Waiting Stinks:
Sometimes waiting is the hardest thing you have to face. Waiting for change, waiting for answers, waiting for growth, waiting for life to be better. I can't hold still when I am forced to wait. I fidget, overanalyze every look given as people walk by, adjust position almost constantly and struggle with self image more in these waiting times than in any other season.

Sometimes Waiting is Wonderful:
Waiting for a baby or a party or something long expected can be great...as long as you know it's actually coming. I think it's the uncertainty that makes it hard. Sometimes the best things happen in the waiting moments. Take for example, standing in line at Disneyland. While the impatient do-er in me just wants to scream as we stand in line, some of the best conversations, people watching and laughter happens with my family in these moments. When I can actually force myself to stop hurrying and engage in what's happening around me, life is so much better.


Obviously we need to wait at times in our lives. There are moments that we will see immediate answers or results, but much of what we hope for and are working towards takes time. I believe this is valuable time. This is time we should spend enjoying where we are and who we are with. If change was always immediate then we would always be in the struggling to adjust phase and never get to enjoy the stationary moments where life just happens.

First Love

I am one of the most task oriented people I know. In my years of youth ministry I had a few young ladies brave enough to tell me that when I was focused on something I would completely forget people were around, and it made me look like a jerk. There have been many church work days where the ladies would want to enjoy the lunch break, spending time in fellowship and just relaxing. I could not stand this, and often spent the entire time listing all that still had to be done and all but itching to get back to it. Over the last few years I have asked God to help me work on this, to help me not get tunnel vision and run right over everyone around me. The first thing He did was show me that this is how I try to approach Him. This is what He told me:

• You have set aside your first love for your own style of loving and worshipping Me
• You have allowed what you are doing become bigger than who I am
• You have mistaken my intentions, and you are seeking to earn My love instead of live in my love

So what now? Any time I feel that tunnel vision closing in, my tasks mattering more than God and everyone else, including my family, I take 5 minutes and remind myself of three things.

• I think back to the first time I felt His love, and remember that I had done nothing to deserve it. I remember that first moment where the filth of who I had been was washed in the glory of who He is. 
• I remember the sense of awe that came as his mercy washed over me, how small I felt in light of how awesome He is. 
• I allow Him to woo me again. Like another first date, another honeymoon, I allow the joy of His love to be the center of my focus.

In those 5 minutes, everything else fades away. He reminds me that everything else pales in comparison to how much He loves me, and how much He has always loved me, even before I knew him. Then I can go back to what I need to do without forgetting how important the people around me are, and how big the God I serve is.

Running From Myself

My favorite place to run is the country road near my house. It stretched for miles and miles of where I ‘have’ to be. No matter how far I make it on any given run, I have to turn around to get back home It’s as if I can’t run from anything because I have to turn around and face it before I can be done running. 

One of the things I run from is writing. I write because it is my outlet for being completely honest. Every ugly, petty, prideful bit of me can be poured out to make room for the kind, sweet love God wants me to carry. And yet, I’ll go months not he run from my pen, sprinting towards my next perceived finish line, and anything else I “should” be doing. 

My favorite part of my physical running times is the moment I turn back, to face the road I’ve just traveled. The road that takes me home. The last 0.6 miles I stop running, I slow down, and I walk with God. These are the moments I spend talking to Him, trusting Him, telling Him everything as the sun rises behind me and the farm trucks race past. Interestingly, I won’t take that time any other way. After a long run seems to be the only time I can truly slow myself down enough to just enjoy the walk through the farmland with my best friend. 

Many times I fool myself into thinking that I’m running towards something when in reality I’m running from something, from myself. Every time I finally stop, every time I have to turn from a mother season of running and slow down, I feel like the marathon runner ,collapsing at the finish line. Only I don’t crash to the ground, instead, loving arms embrace me, holding me in my weakness. And then, for a season, I rest. I remember that being who He’s called me to be is more important than what I’ve been running to. 

Funny thing is, I’m not even talking awful, sinful desires. I simply find myself running lost without a goal, without my biggest fan directing me towards the finish line. So why do I run? I don’t know, I’m just thankful that He loves the chase, and He pursues me as hard as I find myself pursuing everything else. 

What are you running from today? Are you running to the Lord instead of from yourself? Are you taking time to enjoy the rest He has to offer? 

Jeremiah 6:16

This is what the Lord says: “Stop at the crossroads and look around. Ask for the old, godly way, and walk in it. Travel its path, and you will find rest for your souls.

Matthew 11:28

Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.